A secret My secret
by HopAPlane
Summary: Jane has been hiding a secret about her physical self. She is finally at a point where she is comfortable with who she is. She has feelings for Maura and is contemplating telling her about herself. Trans. G!Peen. Be kind.
1. Chapter 1 A Secret My Secret

I don't own them.

Hope you enjoy.

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**Ch 1 A secret. My secret.**

**Words: 992**

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You know when you've had a secret for so long that you sometimes forget about it? Well, it's not that I've forgotten about it; it's just that I've grown accustomed to always having it and not ever sharing it. It's just a constant weight on my shoulders.

The obvious secret people think I have is that I am in love with my best friend, who happens to be a woman. But in all honesty the entire world can see my love for her; therefore, it is not that much of a secret. And I know that she has feelings for me too.

My problem… well not so much for me, I've learned to accept it just fine, is that I have another secret. A deeper secret. I feel all female, but I am not, at least not in the area below the waist. Within myself, I feel comfortable with it. But even though I feel comfortable with it personally, I have never told anyone about it. Well my family knows about it because they've known me my whole life.

I have learned that I am more than just what is or isn't between my legs and to be honest, I do not want to change my body more than what I have changed it already. With the help of my doctors, I have a great balance with what I have, how it functions, and how I look.

Over the years, with the help of therapy, I've learned a couple of things. One, therapy is not bad once you trust your therapist. Two, it's ok for me to be female to the world and be comfortable with my body without having to have certain things removed. I have never had much dysphoria about the extras I have below the waist; to be honest I have always enjoyed the extras. The fact that I enjoy them just added to the confusion I had. I felt like I should not want them at all.

A lot of people believe that people like me can only be happy if they have all of the things from one gender altered to fit their true gender.

It took some time for me to understand that I do not have to do that. That just like anything else, there is a spectrum and I fall somewhere in the middle. That I can stop once I reach a place where I am happy with my body.

I have reached that point and I am happy with my body. And now that I am happy with myself, I feel I'm ready to try and be in a relationship. I am not going into this thinking that I will be confident with my body in front of someone else right away. In all honesty, I think I'm going to be a bit or maybe very awkward at the start. But that's where I'm at. I'm ready to give being in a relationship a shot.

I have never had someone in my life that I felt I needed or wanted to share this with, but that was until now. I know that in order to have a relationship with her, I need to tell her about my physical self and this feels like a possibility because of my growing acceptance with myself.

I don't know if my best friend Maura, the one I'm in love with, knows of my secret. I think; I have done a fairly good job of hiding it over the years. I've learned how to rein in my body's reaction to her.

At the beginning it was hard to control my physical reaction. I would get aroused by the sight of her walking in the room. Or her scent. Or just even the idea of her.

Over the years, I have learned to position my anatomy in ways that no one else knows about them. I tuck, nothing too extravagant, but enough so that the outside world doesn't know. Even with the strategic placement of my anatomy, my reaction to her can sometimes become too much, therefore becoming obvious.

I usually would cover my noticeable reaction with a case file, or stay seated at my desk, but when I didn't have that option I would make an excuse to walk out of the room before it became too evident. Many times my reaction would be followed by a trip to the bathroom to readjust.

But now I can hug her or we can sit close to one another on the couch and I have control. Well… about ninety percent of the time. She is still too much for me sometimes.

When I'm alone, I can get myself to react in a second by thinking of her. And my reaction for her is strong. Sometimes I like to drag it out for as long as possible. Other times, I make myself come multiple times until I feel weak and satiated. But thinking of her while I do it always feels amazing. Just not as amazing as if she was the one I was really with.

I daydream on a regular basis of telling her my secret and of how she would react. Sometimes I imagine her accepting it in a heartbeat. Other times, she is slow to accept it. And, yet, other times she is sickened by it, although this reaction is highly improbable.

In my heart of hearts, I know she will accept it. Maura is so very open minded, sweet, caring and non-judgemental. She is what many people strive and work to be. She is everything good.

Maybe the reason I have not told her is because she likes me how she perceives me, as physically all female. If I tell her this secret maybe it will be too much for her. Maybe she will not like me as anything more than just a friend.

So for now my biggest struggle is- Should I tell her my secret?

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Leave a review or send me a pm. Let me know what you think. I am trying to figure out if I will continue this story. This story has been on my computer for a while, along with a few other chapters for it. Let me know if you are interested in it. If I do continue it, it will definitely be M rated.

I still have not forgotten about "Another Night at Maura's". I'm still working on it.

Be kind :)

Spruced up with the help of jacs318 :)


	2. Chapter 2 Revelation

Hi the feedback was AMAZING for the first chapter. Here is chapter two. As long as people are interested I'll keep the story going.

This chapter is rated T maybe a little M.

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**Ch.2: Revelation **

**Words: 2,721**

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Jane arrives at Maura's home where diner is already set for the two of them. They each grab a drink and make their way to the table. They enjoy each other's company while eating just like they have done hundreds of times before, only Jane knows that this is one of the most important dinners of her life.

Jane concentrates on her food, running over in her mind what she wants to say to Maura. She needs it to be clear and being nervous as hell doesn't help.

Maura for her part has noticed Jane is a little quieter than usual. She peers over the table at her but stays silent hoping Jane will talk when she is ready.

Once done Jane turns to face Maura pushing her plate away and playing with her hands, "Maura, I have something I need to tell you. Well actually I have two things to tell you. I think one of the two will be a surprise and the other I hope is a mutual feeling." Maura looks over at Jane her expression curious and open.

"I just hope," Jane continues, "that you can accept both of the things I am going to say and that we can still be friends. Your friendship has pulled me back from many dark moments in my life and I don't know if I can live without it." As much as Jane wants to duck her head down due to the tension she is feeling, she focuses straight ahead into trusting eyes. Maura pulls her hand up reaching her fingers out to rest on Jane's hand while maintaining eye contact with her.

"What is it Jane? You know I am always here for you. For anything." She smiles a reassuring smile as she looks into her friends eyes that are brown pools of vulnerability. While Maura is worried for Jane because she doesn't know what is bothering her friend, she does not let Jane see because she wants her to feel safe enough to communicate with her.

"I know Maura, and I hope that is still the case when I have said what I need to say... well show you."

Reaching into her pocket she pulls out an old crumpled photo and slides it to Maura. The photo is of a young boy around the age of four with dark curly hair, large brown eyes, looking very much like a Rizzoli. He's holding Angela's hand with his right hand and a large ice cream cone in his left.

"Aww, Jane, who is that? He looks like a young Frankie, but a little different," Maura smiles.

"That is actually Eddie; it's one of my favourite pictures of me when I was little. I only have a couple." Jane says with a slight smile on her face while looking at the picture.

"Jane, I don't understand." For once Maura is slightly at a loss for words.

"That is me... was me... I used to be that little boy." Jane trips over her own words as she tries to stay calm even when she is feeling so scared and vulnerable inside.

Maura stares at the picture. She traces her finger over and under the corners. The paper itself is very worn due to years of carrying it around and being looked at. She flips it over and sees faded writing on the back, "What does it say?"

"'At the zoo with the boys. 6/1981, I think Frankie was slightly off camera and Tommy was still inside Ma."

Maura has still not raised her eyes from the photo, examining it.

"Tell me what you're thinking," Jane pleads.

"I am thinking that Eddie looks very sweet and courageous," she smiles as she finally meets Jane's eyes, "like someone else I know." All Jane can see is understanding, free from judgement and negative emotions. "You carry this picture with you?"

"Yes, I've finally come to accept my past and present. I enjoyed life as Eddie but I love my life now. I feel complete and... right... this is who I am."

"How many people know about this?" Her tone is sweet and mellow, not wanting to scare Jane in a moment of such openness that is so rare for -Jane.

"Outside of my family, just you. I've never had a relationship, friendship or otherwise strong enough to feel comfortable enough to share this with."

"Come here." Maura stands and waits for Jane to join her then wrapping her in a hug, "I'm so honoured you felt comfortable enough to share this with me and if at all possible, I think you're even stronger and more courageous than before. I still see you for you and you are still the most important person in my life." Maura states as they stay in a comforting embrace enjoying the fact that they are still the same people they were this morning. Jane- who's courageous and resilient yet vulnerable at times and Maura-so understanding and loving yet strong enough to hold them both up.

"I have something else to tell you Maur," she whispers into the blonde's ear.

Maura pulls away just enough to be able to look Jane in the eyes, "and what is that?"

"I have strong feelings for you..." Jane's breath tickles Maura's face.

"I have strong feelings for you too." She smiles.

"No, I mean strong, powerful, way beyond friendship feelings. I know that I'm revealing a lot today but I hope I am not overwhelming you, but I really like you."" Jane rushes, pulling back a little from Maura.

There is such hope and vulnerability in Jane's eyes that it makes Maura smile even wider because she feels the same way.

"Jane believe me, I know the feelings you're having because I have them too."

"Yeah?" Maura can visibly see Jane accept the truth of Maura's statement.

"Yes," Maura replies as she raises onto her tip toes to place a sweet kiss on Jane's lips, "I have wanted to do that for so long and I hope it is the first of many," She whispers in Janes ear.

Jane dips her head down to Maura's lips and kisses her again. Lips take their time lazily yet deliberately moving against one another Slowly, lips part wider and wider allowing tongues to explore and meet as they massage the other. With her arms still around Maura, Jane tightens her grip on her pulling them closer together. Chest, stomach and hips flush against each other.

The happiness of the moment and the fact that they're kissing, something that she has dreamt of for so long, is so amazing that her body reacts in a very noticeable way especially with their bodies pressed tightly together. Janes arousal becomes evident, trapped between their bodies.

"Wow to the kiss," Maura breaks away with a small gasp, "and I'm glad to feel you enjoying it as much as I did," she whispers as she presses up against Jane with her hips.

Jane's eyes go wide and she tries to pull away, "Shit Maura. I'm so sorry just give me a moment. I'll go to the bathroom and when I come back everything will be under control."

"No, Jane!" She pulls her back, "I'm perfectly happy with how your body reacts to me. Believe me, my body reacts to you in similar ways. I AM having a very strong reaction to you." She states as she rubs her hands up and down Janes arms in a soothing motion. "Do you want to take things slow?"

"Ok. Yes, slow would be good. But... mmm... not too slow. As I said you are the first person outside my family that knows about this." A light blush colors her cheeks as it seems that every big secret of hers is coming out today.

"Are you telling me you have never been with someone sexually?"

"Yes." The word is barely a whisper.

"So you're a virgin?" The question comes with absolutely no judgment behind it, just simple curiosity of where Jane's sexual experience stands.

"God, Maura, yes." She huffs looking away from Maura.

Leaning up Maura kisses Jane on the cheek, "I am perfectly ok with that. I just wanted to know. So, do you want to talk some more or just relax now? I still have few of questions but you don't have to answer anything you are not comfortable with." Maura states.

"I'm ok with questions, if you want. I'll try and answer everything as honestly as I can."

"Good," Maura lightly pushes her hips forward, "well things feel like they are under-control. Do you want to sit on the couch with me for a bit? Maybe have a drink?"

"Yeah that would be good." Jane says brightening.

"Ok, let me clean up a bit and I will meet you on the couch in a bit." Maura says as they disentangle from their embrace and she heads to the kitchen.

Jane makes her way to the couch, and when she sees Maura is distracted she takes a second to adjust herself and hide things as best as she can, not wanting to go to the bathroom fearing Maura would think she was trying to relieve the tension their kiss brought.

A few minutes later, with drinks in her hand, Maura joins Jane on the couch. "Here is your beer," she hands it over; "I don't want to push too much with questions, so can I just ask a couple of general ones? You do not need to go into detail or anything." Maura is so straight forward and to the point, Jane finds it comforting to know she is still sitting beside her best friend, unwavering in her ability to make Jane feel calm and secure in her presence.

"Sure. What do you want to know?" They sit at slight angles so that they can better see each other.

"Is Angela ok with this?"

"She was actually very supportive and always kept an eye out for me. I did a lot of experimenting during my high school years at home. When she caught me she was... um... surprised but not mad. She helped me out as much as she could and now still tells me if the lipstick I wear is to pink for me or something. She guided me the best she could. She was the one that helped me prepare for the first day I went out as me, Jane. I'm also so glad she told me to wait 'til I was done with high school, to transition while I was in college. It was good advice, less of a chance of someone that knew me as Eddie seeing me."

"Angela always amazes me. You have a wonderful mother." There is a longing in Maura's eyes.

"She's taken you as a daughter now too! Ok, next question. Tonight I am an open book." She waves a hand over herself.

"Let's see... So you are comfortable with your body?" Maura's eyes glance down to Jane's waist.

Blushing slightly Jane answers, "Yes, it has taken some time but I am really ok with my body now, at least I'm comfortable with myself. I think I'll still need some time to become comfortable with someone else seeing or touching me. It's a process, but if you give me some time I'm sure it won't take long to adjust." Jane smiled at Maura. As hard as opening up to someone is for Jane, she came prepared to do this. To let Maura ask questions and answer them as best as she could even if personal questions have always been hard to answer.

"As long as you talk to me, we'll figure out the right speed for us. So do you have boundaries that I should know of right now?"

"No, not really, Maura. Just maybe take things step by step. How about you, any boundaries?" Jane lifted an eyebrow curiously toward Maura.

"No, I'm all yours." The way those words fell so naturally from the blonde's mouth sparked a fire within Jane, she can't help but want to devour Maura.

"I really want to kiss you." And with those simple words Jane brings herself but an inch away from Maura's lips. Glancing up to hazel eyes, Jane ask for permission that is already granted. She closes the distance and pushes her lips to Maura's. Their kiss escalates quicker than their first, but it still has a softness and newness that they both feel themselves getting lost in.

Maura gently pulls Jane guiding her to settle between the blonde's legs as she lays back on the couch, never breaking their kiss. Parting their lips, tongues meet again, gently exploring while hands roam over each other never venturing too far from safety. Jane, enjoying the feel of Maura under her and Maura enjoying Jane's weight as it pushes her into the sofa cushions. Jane doesn't feel smothering, rather she felt safe and secure.

After a few minutes nearly loosing herself in Maura, Jane is no longer able to handle the growing pressure inside her. Needing to get control of her arousal she pulls away, "I'll be right back..." Jane stands and quickly turns towards the bathroom, but not before Maura is able to see and feel how their activities have affected Jane.

Jane quickly enters the bathroom. '_Shit! God that felt good, so good I almost came there on the couch. Oh man she is going to be so disappointed when we make it to the bedroom and I can't last five minutes 'cause she is so hot.'_

Jane undoes her pants and pulls herself out of them. She has never felt herself this hard before and oh SO turned on. With a few well practiced strokes she pushes herself off the edge she was on. The relief was short lived when she realised how brief of an encounter that was._'Christ Jane! __That was fast. Pull yourself together'_

She takes a minute to compose herself and clean up; then, she goes in search of Maura.

Going back to the living room, Jane finds it empty.

"Maur, where did you go?" She calls out loudly.

"I'm in my room, come in if you want." Before making her way to Maura's room, she checks that everything that should be locked is locked.

_'Shit she's going to know what I was doing.'_

"Hey. What you doing?" _Be cool._

"Well when you didn't come back right away, I came to my bathroom to relieve the same needs you were tending to." She says it with a little smile that tells Jane that she is serious but in no way sad, mad or disappointed.

"But I wasn't even gone five minutes." Leaning against the doorframe she blushes as she realizes how short of a time she actually was gone.

Knowing that Jane needs a little reassurance, Maura is honest with her. "Yes. Sometimes things happen quickly when emotions are running high and that's ok. And in all honesty first times, a lot of the time, happen quickly for both parties involved, especially when both people really like each other. Don't worry, I think we'll have plenty of time to practice. Stamina is built in a relationship." She smiles as she gets up and makes her way over to where Jane is standing placing a kiss at the corner of her mouth.

"You always know what to say to make me feel better, even when you sound like a peer reviewed journal article." She says smiling with a happy crooked grin.

"You always make me feel better." They share another quick kiss. "You want to get ready for bed? Share my bed with me tonight?" Maura asks, knowing the answer but still wanting to hear Jane say yes.

"That sounds amazing; I'll be back in a minute."

Once back in bed, Jane can't help but ask a question that seems to have already been answered, "So, you're my girlfriend?"

Maura can't help but let out a little laugh at the happiness on Jane's face, because that same question has her with what she can only imagine is an equally ridiculous look on her face. "Yes." She replies looking over at her best friend, now her girlfriend.

Jane happily lays her head on Maura's shoulder enjoying each other's warmth as she is barely able to yawn out "Good."

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Feedback and reviews are always fun and helpful to get, plus they will keep me entertained at work which is where I'm headed. Let me know what you thought of this chapter.

Thanks for the help jacs318 :)


	3. Chapter 3 Silk Temptation

Sorry for the wait, I was on a trip and now I'm back.

Thanks jacs318 for help :)

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Ch 3 Silk Temptation

Words 2,587

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Since Jane's revelation a few days ago, things have been going well for the two of them. Jane has been feeling much more at peace with herself and now that weight on her shoulders has been lifted. She and Maura are closer than ever before and Jane revels in their closeness as much as Maura does.

Maura has always hinted that she has enjoyed Jane's company but now has stated that Jane does not need an excuse to come over. Before either one would come up with a reason for visiting the other, as ridiculous as those reasons sometimes were. Like "I think I left a pair of socks at your house and I need to wash them." Picking up said pair of sock somehow also included drinking a beer while enjoying a meal that somehow happened to be while a romantic movie was playing and they were sharing one couch cushion on a very large and comfortable couch.

Over the last couple of days their routine has become even more familiar and comforting than before, Jane needs no excuse to spend time with her girlfriend other than she wants to. As she pulls up into Maura's driveway she can't help but think of their future and that she hopes they have a great journey in front of them. Tonight she had hoped to cook a nice meal, maybe her Ma's gnocchi and open up a nice bottle of wine, for Maura since the previous nights it had been Maura cooking, but as always an unforeseen murder derailed her plans. Maura is most likely going to take at least a few hours to get home since she has to do an autopsy the Mayor himself put a rush on.

As she makes her way into Maura's house she can't help feel at home here, sometimes even more at home than at her own apartment and the only thing that could make it even more perfect right now would be to have her blonde with her and maybe get a little make out session in.

After snooping for a few minutes, Jane is able to pull together the unhealthiest snack she can from a fridge full of "healthy crap." And even being the unhealthiest thing she can make, it's still a pretty well balanced meal of some tasty meats and vegetables between two slices of whole wheat bread but just to take the edge off the healthy she makes sure to add extra mayo.

After snatching a cold beer form the fridge, she makes her way over to the island to enjoy her creation. While holding the sandwich with one hand, she uses the other to pull out her phone contemplating sending Maura a text. She ends up eating half her sandwich before sending a simple text saying 'I miss you :/ Can't wait to see you.' She finishes her meal without hearing from Maura. A little disappointed she cleans up her mess and takes her half emptied beer and drops down on the couch, she picks up the remote to see what game is on and after flicking through all the channels, faster through the documentaries, she clicks the TV off and throws the remote on the cushion in a huff- nothing good in on. She hates it when there's nothing on TV and looking at her watch she guesses that Maura probably won't be home for another couple of hours or so. She hates being bored, it gets her into trouble. Looking around Jane hops up off the couch, grabbing her beer, she wanders into Maura's room where she has slept so often. With that not so little snack digesting, she wonders what she should do; whatever she decides to do she hopes it's relaxing. Deciding on a shower to pass the time she grabs a clean pair of sweats and snug tank top to change into. Chucking them carelessly, she turns back to her bag and pulls her work clothes for the next day and takes them to the closet to hang up.

When she picks up her pajamas she sees Maura's neatly folded next to hers. The sight of them brings visions of Maura but she ignores them and heads to take a quick shower. The hot water always relaxes her muscles making it easier to calm her mind and have a better night's sleep. After her shower, and doing her quick night time routine, she changes into her chosen sleeping outfit. And once she's finished in the bathroom**,** she comes back into the bedroom in search of a magazine she has been reading to pass the time.

Coming out of the bathroom she spies the pajamas again sitting neatly at the end of Maura's bed. They of course are exquisite, made of the sheerest silk, so thin and delicate that they leave very little to the imagination, '_God you kill me in the best of ways sometimes_.' She picks them up letting the fabric slide through her fingers enjoying the feel, the smoothness and coolness of it against her fingers. She could only describe the feeling as sensual and knowing thisfabric has touched every inch of Maura, inches she has yet to touch, makes her yearn for her, wishing she could touch her now**.**

She's still standing there at the end of the bed when she realizes she's been playing with the fabric for a good few minutes, looking down Jane sees that just the thought of Maura has caused her body to respond, quite noticeably too. _Dang it Bud, why do always have make things sexual? _She's always surprised how thinking about Maura results in this. The temptation to take care of her arousal is strong but she fights her body's desires and heads for the night stand looking for the magazine she stuck in there a couple of nights ago.

While lying on the bed, she flips to the dog eared page and starts reading where she had left off a few nights ago. Still distracted by her body's reaction, Jane reads the same paragraph half a dozen times, sighing each time she realizes she got nothing out of it, her desire slowly chipping away at her will power. Shifting on the bed, she's finally able move on to the next paragraph when her hand of its own accord moves down to lie on her stomach. As she makes it farther down the page, her hand also moves farther down and before she knows it Jane feels the outline of herself against her palm and the heat coming from her body. She lets out a little groan of disappointment at caving and awkward relief as her body receives a little bit of pleasure.

Unbeknownst to her, Maura having finished her work quickly thanks to Senor Criminalist Chang's help had gotten home a few minutes ago. Making her way through the house she sees evidence that the detective has been in the kitchen. Seeing that Jane is not in the living room or outside playing with Jo, Jo has pretty much taken up permanent residence at the doctor's home, she makes her way to the next logical place Jane could be- the bedroom. Coming to a stop outside her bedroom door which is slightly ajar she hears a muffled noise which she couldn't work out whether it was a groan or a whimper, or maybe a combination of the two. Staying silent as Maura peers though the opening her jaw drops and her eyes go wide with surprise and instant arousal. She forgets to breathe as her eyes land on the figure lying on her bed. Her beautiful girlfriend in what could be very tease worthy moment if it was not such a sexy and vulnerable sight. Jane is with a 'Guns of the World' magazine dangling from one hand while the other is flat pressed against herself moving very so slightly. Looking farther onto the bed Maura spots her own pajamas no longer folded at the end of the bed where she left them but sitting right next to Jane no longer folded.

Contemplating what she should do she finds herself cemented in place unable to look away from the war Jane is fighting to control her desire. She knows that if she doesn't move from her spot soon she might see more of Jane than Jane is ready to reveal but she also wishes that she could join Jane on the bed. Her feelings for Jane have been developing for years and through those years she feels she has developed the patience of a Saint for not acting on them, but the journey so far has been amazing and she would not change a moment.

They had talked more over the last couple of days and she knows that Jane is not ready to "slide into home" as Jane so eloquently put it, so here she finds herself, just watching her girlfriend be more open than Maura has ever seen her but so frustrated at the same time. After another minute or so Jane makes a sound that could only be described as frustrated groan as both of her hands fall to the bed, the magazine crashing to the ground, clearly she is not comfortable acting like this in Maura's bed. The sound of fluttering pages as the magazine lands on the ground startles the honey blonde out of her trance and causes her to moves, albeit on slightly wobbly legs, away from the room and back towards the front doorescaping while Jane's eyes were still closed.

Oblivious to the fact that Maura had seen her, Jane stands up deciding that taking Jo for a walk will help distract her.

Maura meanwhile had slipped silently back out the front door wondering what to do next. Looking down she realizes in her panic and haste to not be seen she had exited the house without her jacket or shoes. Realizing her dilemma her heart drops at the thought of the questions Jane will ask if she sees her standing on her front porch without her jacket or shoes. Still having her cellphone in her pocket she decides to send Jane a quick text like she had promised to do when she was done with work._ So much for surprising her_. She starts to type her text 'Jane, I just got home. Are you still up?' _wait backspace backspace backspace that could sound suggestive_. 'Are you still awake?' After texting, she quickly steps back into the house as Jane comes walking down the hall staring at her phone. She must have gone back to the room to get her phone when she heard the text come in.

As she looks up she sees Maura and casually she tugs on the front of her shirt to make sure it covers herself. "Hey!" Jane's smile widens the closer she gets, "I'm so glad you're home", she walks up and gives Maura a long deep kiss. Pulling back to catch her breath she smiles at Maura, "You sure took off your shoes and jacket quickly," she says as she glances around noticing them off Maura and neatly tucked away.

"Uhm.. I just wanted to see you." Her response comes out unconvincingly quick as redness appears over her chest, although it is true that she wants to see Jane, she also feels that she is lying to her.

"You ok? You look a little flushed and you're doing your weird breathing thing." She raises her eyebrow at Maura indicating for Maura to spill her secret.

"I'm good," she insists as her voice wavers, "What have you been up to?"

"Nothing! Not a thing! I was just uhhh, reading a magazine." She falters, "And don't change the subject."

"Jannnne," she draws out the name adding a little pout but she knows that keeping secrets from Jane is hopeless and isn't good for their relationship or her neck. Drawing in a deep breath the words tumble out of her in a rushed whisper, "Igothomeafewminutesagoandsawyoupleasedontbemad" she exhales hoping, as Jane would say, that all hell doesn't break loose.

Deer in headlights would be the most accurate description of Jane's facial expressions at this moment. "I can make you something to eat…do you want something to eat?" She tries to pull away.

Securing her arms around Jane's slim waist, she does not let Jane pull away from her. "Jane, please don't change the subject. I'm sorry I saw you. But I came looking for you when I got home and I heard something so I looked inside my room and saw you. I hope you're not mad. I have no issues with you masturbating."

"Oh Maura, Come On!"

"What? It's a healthy, normal activity and something that you should not be ashamed of Jane. You're welcome to do it whenever you feel the need. I do it all the time." She adds smiling mischievously, she has always found it adorable that Jane blushes when they discuss sexual things, as she gently strokes Jane's arm letting her know she truly means what she's saying.

After making a grossed out face at certain words Maura used during that statement, Jane gives a small smile. "I'm ok. I just wish, I don't know, that you hadn't seen me almost doing that." She mumbles. "I'm just a little embarrassed. Ughh! But at least it's not as bad as that time Ma caught me doing it. THAT was AWFUL! Screaming, arms flailing and a bunch of Italian words I'd never even heard before." She gestures in typical Jane fashion breaking the emotional tension with a comedic jab.

"Jane you are so beautiful and Angela always has great timing." She states with a smirk that turns into a full blown smile as she thinks of how that scenario played out.

"Are we ok?" She tilts her head as she looks at Maura with the sincerest of eyes.

"Are we?" She asks back, believing that she did the bad thing in the situation.

Jane smiles and nods as she places a loving kiss on Maura's lips.

"Ok. Maybe something light, some fruit and tea would be wonderful, give me a minute I'll just go change." She says breaking the kiss and heading to her bedroom.

It takes Jane a few second to figure out that Maura is answering her question about if she wanted something to eat. "Sure thing."

A little while later, Maura comes back out looking much more relaxed and wearing the pajamas that Jane has become so familiar with. One look at those pajamas and Jane's cheeks are turning British Strawberry red.

"What's wrong? Jane? You seem to be blushing." Maura says not even trying to hide her smile as she reminds herself- a tease worthy moment.

Not one to be outdone and seeing the smile Maura is sporting, Jane just shrugs her shoulders and turns away nonchalantly, "Oh nothing, I just really like those pajamas." She replies, smiling as she works on a fruit salad for Maura.

Catching Jane's eyes again, as she pours herself a glass of wine changing her mind about the tea, she gives Jane a knowing wink, "Ohh really? I didn't know that." She smiles happily to herself as all is right again in their world.

They chat for a little while; then, they head off to bed to finally relax. And what is meant by "relax" is about an hour long make out session that did not lead to more but left them both equally satisfied.

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	4. Chapter 4 Teenage Times

People are curious about Jane's transition. That's kind of hard to explain and still match up with the Jane that we know from the show. So things will not match up exactly between both Jane's. Also I have no idea what the transition process would have been like 20plus years ago when she would have started. So be kind if things are not accurate.

This is kinda just a sweet fluffy chapter…

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Ch 4 Teenage Times

Words 2663

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Wednesday. Not your typical date night but it's the first night Jane knows they are both going to have off in advance. A couple of nights ago she had been subtly inquiring with Maura trying to figure out somewhere to take her for their first date. She wants to do something special, unique and different that Maura has never done before and it has to be fun. She's fully aware Maura has been wined and dined at the fanciest restaurants, traveled the world and experienced things that are a far cry from the world Jane Rizzoli grew up in. Her world included brothers, broken noses, grass stains and a rambunctious but loving family.

Jane had noticed Maura is happiest when they do low key things like picnics in the park, softball practice, punching a sweat splattered dummy or watching Jo Friday do crazy zooms around the yard after a bath. Those are the things that bring the most brilliant smile to Maura's face. Coupled with the fact that she had missed out on what Jane considered vital childhood experiences, like watching cartoons or hanging out with friends having slumber parties, eating delicious sugary teeth rotting cereal as a snack or even just eating cereal. With that information she tries to think what her sixteen year old self would do if asking out a sixteen year old Maura. _Did Maura even date at sixteen? A while ago didn't she say that she had conducted a ten yearlong study on men? Does that mean she didn't date until her mid-twenties? _ Movies they do all the time, same for the batting cages and Maura had never been into video games which Jane loved at that age _although it was just the start of them_. After much thought and tossing around a few ideas, Jane came up with something she was sure Maura would get a kick out of.

There was not a lot of planning to be done. Convincing Maura to wear what Jane considered casual took the most effort but Maura looked stunning in red flats, deep blue skinny jeans and a white top that flows and hugs all the right spots. Jane had picked a simple dark red v neck sweater & jeans to wear.

They stop in at a local favorite that Jane has heard makes amazing burgers and tasty salads. Along with the great food they have an amazing selection of wines and beers and if Jane remembers correctly their next activity will be a little more fun after a drink or two. When they walk in, Jane asks the waiter to sit them towards the back to have a little privacy.

After looking through the menu Jane, as always, picks a burger that not only looks delicious but is way too big for one person and Maura is secretly happy about that because after choosing a salad she has decided that Jane's burger and sweet potato fries are taunting her. Reading her mind, Jane asks for and empty plate that arrives just as she's done cutting her burger in half which she places on the plate along with a healthy portion of mouthwatering crispy fries. Sliding it across the table, she sees the eyes of her girlfriend sparkle at the offering. Maura eyes her salad then Jane silently offering half of her leafy greens with toppings that actually look good. Jane thinks she even spies some bacon. "Ok you eat some of my burger and I'll eat some of your salad." They both feel victorious that they got the other to eat something that they wouldn't normally eat. Happy, contented and smiling this is what she truly loves, just spending time with Maura, seeing the world through new eyes.

After taking a couple of bites, Jane sees that Maura has something on her mind. "Come on Maura just ask."

Taking a sip of her wine, she tilts her head to the side, wondering what is the best way to ask without putting too much information out there for any nosey ears. "I was just curious to know more about your process." She half whispers it, which just makes Jane smile because Maura is not good at whispering.

Jane's eyes scan the sparsely populated restaurant, "I don't think anyone is listening so, as you know I started transitioning in high school. Towards the end of my senior year Ma found a doctor that specialized in what I was going through. I started hormones shortly after. I was kinda girly back then, you know feminine, although I have always loved sports and been good at them. Once the hormones kicked in, my body went into over drive and I guess you could say that I started to develop. You know like the 'girls' came in. The doc told me not to expect much so we were all surprised when they got to this size. Although it took them a few years to get to this size. They aren't huge but I like them and I think they look good on my frame. Any bigger and I think they would get in the way. Anyways, during summer Ma helped me, you know, prepare to face the world. By the time fall came around I went to a community college just far enough away that I was comfortable making an identity for myself. You've seen my diploma and as I've said that was thirteenth and fourteenth grade but way better than high school. After that I joined the academy and you know the story from there."

"So those are real?" Curious green eyes glance down at Jane's chest.

"Where you hoping for fake?" She smirks at Maura's shocked face.

"No. I just assumed that they would be, although I do like this new bit of information."

"You assumed?"

"NO! Yes. Oh god!"

"Relax, I'm not going to arrest you for assuming Maura. But it's nice to know what it takes to get you to assume." She laughs a little at Maura's indignant look.

"It's not fair for you to tease me when you know you can cause me to think unclearly."

After talking about Jane's transition and keeping the conversation to the basics, knowing this was not the place for in-depth details, they finish eating and chatting about nothing in particular. Once they finished their drinks they head out of the restaurant.

Stepping out they notice the sun has set, the air is cooler than it was earlier making it perfect to take a peaceful stroll. Jane enjoying that everything is going smoothly, slips her hand into the blonde's tugging gently, leading them in the right direction. They haven't really talked about taking things public. It's been more about just getting to know each other on this new level. They still act the same way around friends and family, maybe what some considered overly friendly but that's how they have always been. So to be holding each other's hands as they walk along the side walk passing by other couples doing the same feels so natural to them, in fact so natural that when they think back, it was something they did as friends. Neither had put a lot of thought into how to make their relationship public. Not out of fear for what others think but it really just hadn't crossed their minds because they had been so happy with how things have been, just the two of them exploring. Realizing the new step Jane peeks down at Maura, "OK?"

"It's perfect," she smiles leaning her head briefly on Jane's shoulder as they continue on their way.

They enter a couple of little shops that catch Maura's eye and in return they enter a hole-in-the-wall ice cream shop that begs for Jane's attention.

Before they know it they come to an establishment Maura doesn't recognize. As she looks up she sees a sign that reads, 'Mini Golf Fun Land.' Being a weekday there is only a few other people there and it's perfect for a little privacy and they won't be rushed. "You said you've never been. So I thought you might like it." She gives a little shrug of her shoulders, like she's saying 'I hope I did ok.'

Maura gives a little nod which Jane can tell that she really likes it. "Are you any good?"

"Not really I suck. Frankie and Tommy could always beat me." She laughs at the memories. It's one of the few things she is actually really bad at.

"Since I've never played this we should be a decent match and oh, we should make a bet." She claps her hands exclaiming excitedly. "Loser has to do something for the winner. Winner gets to pick what. Oh, and there is no time frame on claiming your prize since our work always seems to push personal things back."

"Deal." _Losing can't be too bad._ Jane heads up and gets them each a putter and a ball.

…

…

After eight holes, they are both stuck on the ninth. Both have already given it four tries and each time is worse than the time before. At one point Maura is on her hands and knees trying to figure out where the dips and turns in the ground were. Maybe the three drinks a piece they had are finally having an effect. Jane on the other hand just laughs and enjoys the view.

Since another couple behind them have caught up to their hole Jane decides to let them go ahead. She had already failed to convince her girlfriend to just skip the hole and Maura thought it could be helpful to observe others do this 'particularly tricky shot' as she called it, so they stood back and watched.

The couple they let go ahead is in their early twenties and clearly their first date. There's a few awkward pauses in the conversation and some nervous laughter. But when each took their turn to putt the other couldn't help but let their eyes wander over the body in front of them.

"When did you start dating?" Jane whispers into Maura's ear as she wraps her arm around her from behind.

Looking down at Maura, she can see her profile and how her lips twitched, "twenty."

"Why did you wait so long? I bet you had a line of boys waiting for you around the block for you."

They keep watching the couple and after two attempts each they sink the ball into the hole. A little huff escapes the girls as they realize how bad they both are at this. Still in no rush they keep talking.

"I could tell that they didn't really want me for me. They just wanted me for my looks or as trophy, something to own or to elevate their own name. But towards the last couple of years of college when I was getting my doctorates I met my ex Garret. I felt he was more an equal and our names both could stand on their own so I knew he was not using me. He genuinely seemed nice and he was trying to make a name for himself so I started dating him." She leans farther into Jane, "but that was then… now is so much better." She turns and places a kiss to corner of Jane's jaw. "There's no comparison. This is better than I could ever wish for."

She feels Jane laugh because the great doctor never exaggerates. "So no experimenting with boys before then?" Jane knows that Maura is far from inexperienced. She's curious, but before she didn't feel comfortable asking questions of a sexual nature to Maura. Because she felt that if she asked Maura something it would only be fair to let Maura ask her questions in return but with the secrets she was keeping she was not ready to open that can of worms.

"No, not even a kiss." She says as she spots a teenaged couple making out behind the fake waterfall. She taps Jane's hand and points out the couple, "sometimes it feels like I missed out on something."

"Wow, I wouldn't have thought the very sexual Dr. Isles would have waited that long." By the tone in Jane's voice, Maura knows not to be offended Jane simply wants to learn more about her.

Turning her head again, her eyes focusing on the sensitive spot on the side of Jane's throat, she places a soft kiss there, "Yes, it's something I enjoy very much. But it has never been anything that I let rule my relationships. Sex can be great, but if I feel I'm not being treated right I end the relationship immediately. Take for example Slucky."

"Hmm, I know. I always liked that about you." Smiling mischievously she turns Maura around whispering suggestively in her ear, "You know, we can always make up for what you missed out on" placing a little kiss on her earlobe.

"Jannee…" Maura moans as she feebly tries to resist as Jane pulls her around to the other side of the rather large fake waterfall.

"Maura, live a little," she has to smile at the fact that Maura takes the statement like a challenge. Jane pulls her along until her own back hits the plastered side of the waterfall. Maura moves into her as she leans back enjoying the thrill and silently willing Maura to give herself the chance to feel young and a little reckless.

Wedged between Jane's legs she places her hands on the detective's hips, loving the feel as her hips flex under her palms as seductive brown eyes focus on her. "I always thought you would be more assertive," she slides her thumbs under Jane's shirt stroking up along the prominent hip bones. She feels Jane's hips twitch a little, "I want you to _say_ what you really want." She sees Jane's breathing get shallow as it speeds up, "your body tells me what you want." She whispers seductively pushing further into Jane as she slides her hands up along her back, tilting her head to run kisses up her olive skinned neck trailing up to slightly parted soft lips. They kiss slowly enjoying the feel of their warm bodies pressed up against each other in the cool air surrounding them. Like teenagers they make out, time seeming to stand still until it was cut short by a loud sharp thud that startled and separated them. Instinctively Jane reached for her sidearm, momentarily forgetting it wasn't there as she looked around. Maura catches Jane's hand and points down to a little neon green golf ball rolling past them that had bounced off another structure, followed by footsteps coming toward them revealing a short scruffy haired, light eyed boy in search of his golf ball. Relief washes over both faces that transforms into embarrassment at being caught by an eight year old. The boy turns disappearing with his golf ball and Maura and Jane try to appear casual as they walk out from behind the waterfall having decided that they had done enough of behaving like teenagers for one night.

The rest of the course takes far too long to be done legitimately by two adult women. They laughed at the score when they finally added it up. Anybody who saw those numbers would have thought they had played three rounds of mini golf instead of one.

The score card clearly depicts a winner; although, the winner only wins by three putts less than the other. The winner can't help but smile brightly and start to think of what their prize could be.

They end up getting home way too late for a school night, almost midnight. There's a good chance that tomorrow will start with an extra large dose of coffee before work but neither really cares. They had a great time at dinner and mini golf and after they took a slow stroll home. The night was too nice to not enjoy it.

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So who do you guys want to win and what would they want their prize to be? The prize could be claimed next chapter or worked later into the story…

Alright in my head I'm ready to start steaming things up…. OK?

Thanks jacs318


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